Ryumka

This should be my last post. There is nowhere to go from this point on. The search is over. Yep - over.

Ryumka is most definetely the worst restaurant in Tallinn, it is the worst restaurant in Estonia and quite possibly the worst restaurant in the whole wide world ... and I've been places. Really bad places. Some so bad that the visit turned out to be a lot of fun. That was not the case with this one - RYUMKA. A Champion of bad intentions and even worse food-service combo.

There used to be a place called Sushi House in the same space and believe it or not, they did not change a thing. What was good for sushi is now good for good old russian cooking. If only. It looks cheap, worn and somehow it manages to give you the customer a finger. And that is not an easy thing for a decor to do.

We decided to get before dinner drinks and we were in luck as long as we were ordering Vodka and Beer. A good friend of mine made an absolutely ridiculous request for a Bloody Mary. Don't you agree? She must have been out of her freaking mind. Ordering a basic and easy to make coctail in a restaurant that has a bar. That is the first thing you see when you walk in. Anyway. She was told to reconsider her order and to get "Vodka and Juice". All our efforts to explain that if you mix Vodka and Tomato JUICE, you really are half-way there, fell short. The waitress would not budge. And that really was OK. It was just the beginning.

Now I have to admit I feel sorry for the Le Grand Chef of Ryumka. Not because every single dish brought to the table that night tasted like he or she was trying to poison us and just forgot to double up on the pernicious ingredients in these master concoctions. No, that's not it. Really. Really, really.

The reason I feel sorry for Le Grand Chef is that we all know how hard it is to recover from a bad case of carpal tunnel syndrome. It is not easy opening these


all night long. By the plopping sounds coming from the kitchen I would have to say that they were working hard and probably the damage done to their ligaments is irreversible. So lets all help these guys out. If none of us go to Ryumka they will have to close it up and then the poor Le Grand Chef can find another job, where he or she will end up using a knife, cutting board and ingredients that you get from a market again. Let's unite in this noble cause.

We will need a good name for this movement. I propose to call it NNM (NoxiousNoMore)

Food Visuals

Test your knowledge of world flags. Do you know every single one of these?

Klafira

This is very much a re-discovering of an old favorite. Used to love it, then not so much, then loved it again, then not and so on. Here it is - went today and love it again.

Always enjoyed the interior. Thick tapestry curtains and table-cloths mixed with hand-painted walls. The artist was no Michelangelo, but good enough. Aaany-how, it makes me feel comfortable to be there. The staff is always dressed in a traditional Russian folklore type of garments and it is probably an over-kill, but hey...

So it was lunch and I decided to have something that has been known as one of the most efficient hangover cures for decades -seljanka. I did not have an actual hangover. I just wanted to see if they can still do it. That is - to prepare a soup that has its roots deep in a what can we make out of left-overs tradition. Definetely up there with Pasta e fagioli and Paella.

...and it was good. Real good. There are just so many places that offer this dish and way too often it is just horrific. Not at Klafira. A definite thumbs up. I followed with a Salmon Tartare just to stay on a healthy side. I don't even know why. It came with some capers, cherry tomatoes, couple of salad leaves and some olives. Salmon was fresh and so was everything accompanying it.

So I love it again.

Best Russian Cuisine in Tallinn:

a.Tchaikovsky
b.Nevskiy
c.Klafira
d.Pushkin
e.Troika
f. Gorodok
g. Ryumka

Last one is new. Haven't been there yet, but I will fix that in coming days and I'll let you know.

What do you think?
Don't be shy.
Feeling lazy...just vote for a, b or c and so on.
Know a place not on the list? Let me know.

Chicago

Oh boy! I don't even know where to begin. Here it goes. Chicago is located at a spot where there used to be T.G.I. Friday's (Thank God It's Friday's). Don't get me wrong, I got nothing against Friday's. In my opinion their burgers are of decent value. Unfortunately none of the stuff at this location tasted the way it usually tastes at all other Friday's. So T.G.I. Gone.

Now in it's place is Chicago. They worked hard to make it look like just any family friendly restaurant in just any shopping mall in just any midwestern state. First thing that came to mind was Shenanigans from one of the funniest movies about restaurant business ever - "Waiting". Just in case, here's another clip and so you know, the unrated version is out. The waiting staff at Chicago is not as colorful though.

About the food: I tried to play it safe and ordered Quesadillas and a Salmon Burger. Quesadillas were baked in a oven to melt the cheese, not fried and be as it may a healthier choice, it ends up tasteless. Salmon Burger arrived looking quite nice. The burger to fries ratio seemed visually out of balance, so I decided to count the fries. 21 - Jackpot, but since the fries were miniature sized, it really should count as 10 1/2 and I have no smart-ass remark for that number.

Since all this counting had left me famished, I started with my good-looking Salmon Burger. Too bad that in just couple of minutes the whole thing became soggy and then just fell apart. Burgers, even Salmon Burgers are meant to be eaten with hands or they no longer qualify as burgers and that's exactly what happened to this one - disqualified.

So, bad service, just barely adequate food and no funny cast. Draw your own conclusion. I personally can't wait to see what's next for this location. I'm going to leave you with another clip from a comedy classic.

Chakra

Finally. There is a decent Indian restaurant in Tallinn. Chakra opened couple of weeks ago. I've been walking by it and so I went tonight. It is good, real good. You will be reminded of all the reasons why you love Indian food, it's fresh, fragrant and you'll get all the spices. Don't get me wrong I do enjoy a plate of young boiled potatoes with fresh dill, that is so popular at this time of the year, but my heart lies with spices... and parties with spices ... and dances with spices... and so on...

I got a battered and fried chicken appetizer that came with three different dipping sauces. Mild one based on yogurt, dark chutney - possibly black plum, but I could be wrong and a real nice green spicy something, that made my tongue curl up with joy. Followed with a lamb curry that was nice and spicy, but managed not be one-dimensionally hot, instead there was deepness to the whole tasting experience. You know, it starts off by hitting the tip of your tongue, then carries over to the sides and finally just flattens the whole dorsum with a little party of your own.

Now, I also had a naan, possibly my favorite bread. Unfortunately, that was a disappointment. No biggy though, bottomless pit that I am, I managed to stuff myself until I was noxious. Portions are generous. So go now, you never know how the economic downward spiral will effect this one. Building is nice, place pleasant, waiting staff friendly and smiling, if not little rough around the edges, but they have been open for a short time. No web presence yet - so here's the address: Bremeni käik 1

Trattorias and Osterias of Tallinn

So this was Saturday and for reasons I am not willing to disclose here, I was not feeling as a productive member of society.
Decision was made to drink wine all day long. Since it seems that trattorias, osterias and so on and ons are popping up on every other corner, I decided not to commit to a single bottle or a single location for that matter. I'm not sure why this is about to play out like a video game, but here it is.

Level 1. Still feeling quite fragile. Walk through the door of Osteria di Bacco located at Väike-Karja 8. I was told it used to be a shoe store. No great loss. New place that looks little too new. Orange. Had a glass of Barolo for 200EEK's a pop. It was good. It better be. Still feeling little fragile. So no food. I did notice that not only had they good looking pancetta, but were also offering guanciale. You don't see that every day over here. Plus provolone. Life's good. Had another glass.

Level 2. Feeling better. Next stop - Hosteria Roma at Mündi 3, I think. Absolutely love this place. Maybe it was the fact that there was a birthday celebration taking place, maybe it was the waitress who had just started couple a weeks ago and was still little unsure what she was doing, but in a really warm and friendly way, or maybe it was a bottle of Pinot Nero that hit the spot. Maybe because it's orange. After a glass I was feeling truly better so I got food. A plate of meats, cheeses and some pickled artichokes and peppers. Everything tasty. Now another table filled with a different group of people, also celebrating someone's birthday. People singing, dancing and playing guitar. It was all good. Maybe not the kid playing the guitar, but it did not matter. All good. Go now.

Level 3. Still had not had quite enough and headed for Osteria del Dallo Nero at Rataskaevu 4. I have always liked this place. Liked it here. Some people from Tigu were sitting at the table next to me. It seemed like they had started about the same time I did. Good for them. Back to the place. It is orange. It is cozy, but they all are. Somehow the service at the previous place just trumped the other two. No real complaints, the wine was good, espresso good, company good, but I have to admit that Hosteria Roma is my new favorite.

WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH ORANGE?

Funduk

An eatery with a slightly naughty sounding name hidden deep in the soviet era projects is a dream come true. Don't you agree? Well, you should.

First thing you notice walking in is an old man guarding no more than four over-coats at the coat check that is bigger than a lot of dining establishments of the world. Considering the economic state of today, it's nice too see such cosmic level of inefficiency. Paying a salary to a guy for holding onto three coats plus his own. Well done.

The interior of Funduk is new and clean if not little bizarre. It seems that they couldn't decide if they should turn this space into a restaurant, jazz-club or a road-house reminiscent of the tacky Patrick Swayze movie tackily named "Road House". Fit for brawling and all.

To the food: I ordered a Salad, Cheese stuffed Eggplant and DUCK. My companion got also a salad and wisely opted for Sashlik. Salad was fresh and tasty, eggplant was filled with cheese-garlic-walnuts concoction and it was good. Eggplant just a bit bitter. I guess they don't like to go through the hassle of pulling out the juices that carry the bitterness by letting the eggplant sit in salt.

My friend declared the Sashlik a triumph, one of the best if not the best. Good for him. My order on the other hand....... Yes, yes I know. What was I thinking, I had no business ordering the DUCK in a place like this. When I saw it brought out, I knew right away, but by then it was too late. All I could do was mumble to my-self "Funduk Funduk Funduk". I don't blame them, it's all on me.

So don't be afraid, you'll be alright, just think before you order. I'm not sure how you're gonna find the place though, since they have zero web presence. I guess you can ask for directions in the comments section.

P.S. By the way I'm pretty sure that Funduk means hazelnut in Georgian.

MUSI

OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG......................OMG. Sounding like a tween girl who's just discovered a ghost fan-site for naked pictures of Robert Pattinson is TOTALLY unintentional. I just can't help myself - Oh My God. "SEAFOOD NIGHT" at MUSI, two Fridays ago, still not fully recovered. That's how bad it was and I didn't even get sick.

Other than the great company I kept that night, everything else was borderline psychotic Japanese slasher-horror-armageddon-somethingelse movie-like. Well that's not true, that one Oyster did taste alright. One oyster out of 15, plus shrimp, plus scallops, plus sardines, plus mussels, plus clams, plus KULDKOGER( I will get back to this one in a minute). Not exactly a respectable batting average there. So we had everything and a lot of wine and here comes the thumbs-up for MUSI, wine was not priced greedily. See - I can give an objective evaluation to any kind of eating establishment.

Bad service, over-cooked shrimp, oysters that died of natural causes ( some of them confused and searching for elephant graveyards), scallops sliced and diced to make them look like there's a lot and...... over-cooked, bad mussels, bad clams, bad everything. None of it bad in a fresh way.

Bad service meaning this time that we had to ask for cutlery then napkins then wine then a wine cooler then ice for the wine cooler and so on. I do get it that they are trying to be niche in a "we don't even try to be a real restaurant" type of way, but for some reason they think that I still need to be a real customer with real money. I really should have brought "Monopoly" money with me. It's perfect for occasions like this.

Now, I saved the best for last. KULDKOGER, KULDKOGER. Man, there's nothing like terribly undercooked white fish in the culinary world. It is the equivalent of getting plague in the 21st century. There's no need for it, nobody does it and it almost never happens. That's not it and this was the first for me. My friend announced in an apologizing manner that eating this dish the way it is, is just unthinkable and sent it back to the kitchen. By the way, that was the very first time, ever.

The same half-eaten fish was put back in a oven, then back on the same plate and then was brought back to the table.
THE END.

In Studio Vinum New Menu

New menu is always exciting. For many so are the so called SilverSpoons and In Studio Vinum got couple of them this time around. Anyway...I've always liked the place. Not really the place, mainly the food and wine and Imre for making truthful and unpretentious recommendations.

So I went. Had pâté with a salad. It was delicious, salad fresh and the pâté rich. Tasted duck fat and maybe some bacon. Then followed with a classic Coq au vin and this was real good. Maybe I personally prefer the sauce little fruitier. I'm not even sure if that's the right description for the sensation that the taste buds take to the cortex, but hey that's the best I got. The accompanying risotto could've also been little cheesier, but don't get me wrong everything was real good plus the new prices seem to go little better with the times.

Recommended wine was good as usual and I love that you can ask for a recommended pairing without having to ask for the price. They are not out there to take advantage of you, so step in and let Imre and Allar take care of you.

Hai Long

Pleasant surprises are hard to come by in these times. Hai Long is one of them. For reasons unknown to me I kept passing them by for couple of years, with no attempt whatsoever to walk in their door. Just couple of weeks ago I took a chance and I'm glad. I've been back three times since.

Sure, if you're planning a romantic dinner or a celebratory dinner or a dinner function that requires any kind of pleasant atmosphere, this is not the place. The food on a other hand is real nice, well prepared and you can actually taste the freshness. Hai Long is not a Korean reaturant, nor is it Chinese. Not sure where to place them, since they even have some Thai and possibly Indian influenced dishes on the menu.

I have tasted at least 10 different dishes and of course some are better than others, but all of them are good. If I would have to pick on anything then it would have to be the desserts. Even that is not their fault. It's me. Whenever I think of a dessert, my mind skips the whole continent of Asia. Then again I absolutely have to praise the chefs of Hai Long for not being afraid to make dishes little spicy. We all need spice, some of us just don't know it.

I have to bring up MSG. I have couple of friends who are seriously allergic to it. Since I personally don't have a strong reaction to it I can't say that it's not used in their kitchen. I've had some food seriously laced with MSG in a past and remember that it did not sit well with me either, so there's a chance it's pretty safe at Hai Long. Hey, take little bites.

Now I'm going to bring up a different question. They're real proud of the fact that the guys working in the kitchen are of real Korean ethnicity. Why is it that so many people think that as long as you're of right ethnicity, you'll be able to cook better food originating your home country? I have had the best pizza in a world made by Puerto Ricans, best Ratatouille prepared by Ecuadorians and the most mouth-watering croissants by Albanians. Same time I have a feeling that there's gotta be at least a billion Chinese who are not all excellent chefs. I think it's time to get over this silliness and for everybodys sake just hope for a good, talented and hard-working chef, no matter his or hers background.

Korsaar

Restaurant Korsaar is without a question the silliest and most ridiculous restaurant in the city of Tallinn, and oh yeah also the most out of place. They spent a s...t load of money trying to make the place to fit in for the next "Pirates of the Caribbean" quadro-sequel for any of the worlds Disney theme parks. I just can't figure it out why did they place it here. Enough of that.

Let's start with the entrance - actually the lack of it, to get there you need to enter the Bavarian style Beer House. Now if you pass the ship-wreck sticking out of the wall, you've gone too far. Also if you've reached the coat-check, you've gone too far. See, somewhere between the entrance to the beer hall and the coat-check is, and here I go again, a ship-wreck sticking out of the wall and you'll notice two pirates hanging out underneath it. One of them an effing midget, yes yes a midget. If you're lucky or unlucky depending on your preferences you'll get a real piraty GRRR from the bigger one. That signifies the point of no return. Get ready for the ride and hold onto your wallet.

It's hard to describe what you'll see after you walk down the stairs, but I'll give it a try. Pools, fish-tanks, possibly a fountain and loads of marine periphenilia. The walls are all made to look like an inside of a cave, unfortunately a cave made out of packing material. All of the staff is dressed as pirates, even the line chefs in the kitchen. I did not see the head chef. Good guess would be that he's wearing the captains outfit. Ahhh, almost forgot about the giant plasma screen on wall that's showing a stormy ocean scenery. Well, that is most definitely not all of it, but I give up and move onto to the most important part - the food.

The food is not good. I ordered "Octopus carpaccio with creole tomato salsa" for a starter and I have to admit that it was possibly the most interesting and wonderful presentation of any kind of food I've ever seen. It's just that it did not taste like anything. I'm not even talking about octopus, no - it did not taste like anything. Maybe they had some of that packing material they used to make the cave walls with left over and decided to use the extras to sculpt some octopi. Plus there was nothing creole about the salsa, I'm not even sure that there was much salsa about the salsa. I'm telling you, it was the most beautiful looking worst dish anywhere ever.

This pretty fiasco was followed by a "Korsaar bouillabaise" and that is so much more than just a bouillabaisse (notice how I did not misspell the word and also do not charge 215EEK's for a simple bowl of soup). Then again this is what you get for your money. An effing midget rolls in a cart all the way to the table for the line chef to prepare the soup right in front of you in a pirates costume. I know I'm being politically incorrect calling him an effing midget, but c'mon I didn't hire an effing midget to work as a miniature pirate and that is truly politically incorrect. Now after the midget rolls in the soup cart, he walks up to a stormy sea on the plasma and starts turning the ships wheel all while tilting himself in sync with the waves on the screen. Sure, I was laughing before. In fact I started laughing up-stairs before entering, but at this point I was laughing out loud hysterically resembling a horse gone mad.

Anyway you get the picture. Loved the waitress, loved laughing out loud, even loved a little bit the effing midget. Hated the food, hated even more the prices and I'm willing to bet my right leg that I'm never going back. Now if I lose the bet, I could possibly get a job there with my brand new wooden leg and everything.


NB! Pretty sure that this is the most expensive place in town.

Sushicat

Heard some buzz on Facebook, was bored and decided to try it out. Before I went, I quickly checked out the web site and I have to give to them, Sushicat has one of the coolest looking restaurant sites in town. Couldn't really figure out why the menu opens as a pdf, but other than that it seems like they know what they're trying to accomplish.

I'm afraid that's where the good stops. Bad sushi, bad service, bad drink selection, bad everything. I did like the enthusiasm of the owner, unfortunately it did not carry over to the waiting staff. I do get the whole manga is cool and so on and I couldn't care less that the place is done cheaply. I get it, cheap place with sushi for hard times, but still...even in bad times you don't want to admit that you have to eat bad.

So here, I went for this:


But ended up with this:

Lydia

Restaurant Lydia is a sad, sad, sad, sad place. I was there with a friend for business lunch and the place was all dressed up in sea-foam colored table linens, curtains and chair-covers. The question remained who and what for? Two of us were the very only customers and the two awkwardly friendly and polite waiters gave me an impression of captains willing to go down with their ships.

I ordered off the business lunch menu with the addition of a salad and when the food came, it was not bad. The salad was fresh, the risotto was alright and the soup came in a freshly baked bread bowl. Considering once again that we were the only customers, that's just sad.

I don't know what else to say. It's not bad, but I will never return and I can't even imagine who goes there or who's ever been there for that matter. Like I said...

SAD

Kloostri Ait

The concept of comfort food is some what foreign to Estonians, well at least the concept of serving comfort food in a restaurant is foreign.

Wikipedia gives the following definition - Comfort food is typically inexpensive, uncomplicated, and easy to prepare. Many people turn to comfort food for familiarity, emotional security, or as a special reward. The reasons a dish becomes a comfort food are diverse but often include pleasant associations of childhood. Small children often seem to latch on to a specific food or drink (in a way similar to a security blanket) and will repeatedly request it in high stress situations. Adults eat comfort food for a sense of continuity.

Who doesn't need the sense of continuity? Who doesn't require occasional emotional security? Well, Kloostri Ait is the Estonian answer to "gourmet-diners" and "gastro-pubs". Food here is the closest thing to an Estonian version of comfort food. This is food everybody wishes their ma's and grandma's could prepare.

My personal favorites are what they call gratins:"Trout and potato gratin with egg and cheese" for one, plus a "Mozzarella and potato gratin with tomatoes". I would call them cheesy casseroles. But hey, who gives a damn, as long as they taste good.

Now if only they would slash their prices a tiny bit to make us extra comfortable...

Best Food I Ate in 2008.

Bastilla au Poullet - restaurant Agadir - Tangier - Morroco

Tony's Seafood salad - at my Mom's and Tony's house - Chef Tony

Frites - Maison Antoine - Bruxelles - Belgium

Sautéed bacon with mushrooms and home-fries - Cafe Pushkin - Tallinn

Fried Okra - Sonny's Real Pit BBQ - Stuart - Florida

Polenta with spicy sauce - Carmine's - NYC

Filet Mignon au poivre - my house - made by me

Resolutions, resolutions.

I will cook more.

I will eat out less.

I will enjoy wines with good taste, humble pedigree and friendly cost.

I will stop going to overpriced and pretentious restaurants altogether.

I will cook more.

I will have friends over more often.

I will keep making demi-glaze and roux from scratch.

I will eat less.

Bogdan

This is somewhat off the beaten track. Bogdan is located in the heart of Soviet era projects and not that easy to find, but it is definitely worth the effort.

First of all it doesn't break the bank since the most expensive dish on the menu is just 110 EEK's and most wines are less than 400. They do have their very own trophy wine listed, something that sounds really cool "Krõmvein Krasnõi Krõmskii 1958" for 1500EEK's. I have no idea what it is, but hey...that's cool.

Now the interior is nothing special, but it's nice and clean plus the the girls are quite friendly and polite. Yes it is a simple place, but simple can be good and the food here is good. Some of it downright excellent.

Now here's a warning - do not go to Bogdan if you're not a fan of garlic, I think everything on the menu has tons of in it. Then again the cuisine is Ukraine and that's the way it's supposed to be.

Last time I started with Potato Pancakes with Lox and it was delicious, followed with Borscht, and that was good. I remember being torn between the Bcorscht and Okroshka, I'll have that next time. Now even thought I was pretty stuffed I managed to extend my stomach for Stuffed Cabbage that was, how would I put it...ahh - made with Love.

All in all highly recommended, just try to remember - simple is beautiful.

Dominic

This is a place that looks great, has a great location and has a positive word of mouth going for it. So I stopped by for lunch.

Dominic has a really nice vibe about it. Interior is pleasantly unassuming, specially on the cafe side, it just makes you feel comfortable.

I was greeted with a friendly "Hello" as soon as I walked in and altogether the service was great throughout the lunch.

I got a fresh salad to start with and was perfectly happy with it. Everything was truly fresh, it looked nice on the plate and was finished with a pretty well balanced vinaigrette. Oh and they brought fresh baked bread to the table that seemed to be baked in house. One was with sun-dried tomatoes and the other one with walnuts I think. Nice.

Then I got a pasta dish Du Jour and that's when everything went wrong. It was brought to the table and I got suspicious right away. I've never seen pasta sauce that color before, it's hard to describe. Maybe blueish-greenish-grayish would do it justice. It tasted as repulsive as it looked.

I'd like to think that I was just truly unlucky and I will give them another shot. It's just that so many other things about this place I do like. Then again food in restaurant business is king, so it'll be just a shot.

La BOTTEGA

Trattoria Enoteca La Bottega opened this past Wednesday night and considering that places are closing left and right, opening a new restaurant right now could be considered either an act of madness or courageous endurance. So of course I couldn't help myself and I stopped by for lunch.

First of all it looks great. The medieval space has been meticulously renovated, then everything tastefully designed and decorated, theme being that of a trattoria. Don't be fooled though it's a real nice restaurant with some simpler trattoria style dishes on the menu.

It's not cheap, but they consciously set the price limit. Nothing on the menu is over 300 EEK's, some do come close... as close as 290 EEK's close. I think a lot of people will appreciate the fact there are quite a few things that are affordable on the menu. Once again it's not cheap. For example only one pasta dish is less than a 100, most of them are around 150-160.

Now to the food. Chef de Cuisine Nicolo Tanda deffinetly knows his stuff and thank god his not one of these "I'm an ARTISTE" chefs. He's a mechanic, but a truly great one at that. I had Bruscetta, then Gnocchi with Sweet Pepper sauce and then Grilled Sardines. All of it simple, all of it delicious and all of it good looking. No silly looking little sculptures on the plate here.

The staff was friendly, polite, maybe still working things out a little bit, but then again they've been open for two days. Plus they apologized to me in case everything wasn't perfect. Perfect.

Best Italian food in Tallinn right now. Possibly my new favorite place. What it needs now is people, that of course will not be an easy task to accomplish these days. Go now, who knows for long we will have this chance to enjoy high quality culinary offering without any of the bullshit that seems to come with it in Tallinn.

NB! The address is VENE 4.

Fattoria Poggio Gagliardo Wine Dinner at In Vino Veritas

Andrea Surbone picked the wines for the night and his wife ...crap her name is totally escaping me right now, was in the kitchen. You know that I like this place -

In Vino Veritas

- it's homey and unpretentious. So was the whole night. Food that was simple, but mostly tasty, plus some very enjoyable wine accompanying it.

These were the wines up for tasting:

Villa Caiano 2004

Montescudaio Bianco 2007

Montescudaio Rosso 2006

Ultimosole 2003

Rove Chinato 2003

and for dinner the following :

Vitello tonnato

Risotto con ragu al coltello

Capretto al marsala, patate al formo

Bunet

Like I said it was nice. It reminded me of my mothers husbands Anthony Saraceno's cooking, just not as good. Don't get me wrong, that's not putting the nights offering down, because Tony is an excellent chef and nobody in Tallinn no matter where they studied becoming a chef does Italian the way he does. Maybe you need to grow up eating Pasta e Fagioli and Ossobuco. I don't know.

Surprise of the night was the finish: Bunet and Rove Chinato, yes maybe I've had better Bunet, but it was still real good and Rove Chinato - Whoa. They supposedly add somekind of herb concoction to a desert wine that's already pretty funky tasting. The result was stunning. In a very good way.

And I still love this place.

Cooking Pretty - The Worst Offenders in Tallinn.

I'm quoting Anthony Bourdain - possibly the coolest guy who's ever held a Sabatier blade and an absolute definitely in a hypothetical "If you could have five people over for dinner":

"When I hear 'artist', I think of someone who doesn't think it necessary to show up at work on time. More often than not their efforts, convinced as they are of their own genius, are geared more to giving themselves a hard-on than satisfying the great majority of dinner customers. Personally I'd prefer to eat food that tastes good and is honest reflection of its ingredients, than a 3-foot-tall caprice constructed from lemon grass, lawn trimmings, coconuts and red curry. You could lose an eye trying to eat that."

Here they are, where style kicks substances ass on a daily base :

Bocca

Ö

Horisont

Museum

Stenhus Champagne Dinner

Alright, this happened almost two weeks ago on October 30th, but for some reason I did not feel any urgency about declaring my participation to everybody who reads this blog.

Not that it was a horrible, but I have to admit and I do this somewhat proudly that I would call it mediocre. Let's not forget that this is a place that has received more "Silver Spoons" than they know what to do with them. They have been elected to be the best and they are still considered to be the best by many. Not me though...

First of all - it's a HOTEL, second - it's in a BASEMENT, but the biggest problem is in the kitchen - they can not produce high quality in volume. They are not unique in Tallinn when it comes to this. There are plenty of restaurants that can make a good looking tasty plate of food, they just can't do it when the dining room is full.

I'm not gonna bore you with copying the nights menu. It was all filled with phrases like "Chanterelle Duxelle", "Langoustini Tails" and "Black Olive and Vanilla Crust".

Let's just say that the seafood served was not fresh and I will always pick fresh over exotic. The beef had been resting under the warming lights for way way way too long. Well sure, the schedule was running little late, but a good kitchen should be able to adjust and a great one to anticipate. Oh... I did like the "Chanterelle Duxelle" accompanying the beef.

And of course I enjoyed the Champagne, all of it good and probably more than anybody else there. Ahh almost forgot, it was expensive.

Han

I like places that are simple and I like places that serve simple food. So it breaks my heart to write this following. Han, don't you know that first impressions are forever, you don't get a second chance.

The first thing you notice walking in the door is a horrific stench coming from the direction of the mens room, not a good start for a dining adventure. Contrary to my previous statement I did give them a second chance. See, even though it was smelly, the food was good and the service friendly, if not little awkward, the first time around.

But then ...the second time I was proven right, they proved me right. First impressions matter, we should trust our gut feelings and heuristic rules are thousands of years old.

I ended up sitting for 20 minutes with no drinks or the menu for that matter. Only after aggressively going after it myself was I able to wrestle the god damn thing away from the staff.

Then I waited for another 35 minutes before the food arrived and sure some of it was not bad, but by this point it did not matter anymore. Verdict was made - thumbs down, toes down and just about everything down.

Now on top of everything I can't include a link to their web site. Guess what? It's broken. Go figure...Maybe that's what was stinking up their toilet.

Bonaparte

I apologize in advance for being uncharacteristically laconic with this post. Not even sure why, but maybe it's better this way.


Oct.9. fancy-shmancy Game themed tasting menu at Bonaparte to celebrate the beginning of the hunting season. Fix price, fix menu, fix drinks. Everything game with wine pairings.


Beaver bavaroise with baked apples - Louis Tollet ler Cru La Grande Cuvee

Little piece of dark meat possibly manufactured by Michelin in between tiny pieces of white toast that had achieved a new level of staleness under the warming lights. Liked the champagne.


Moose meat consommé with elk liver and mini cheesecake - Châteauneuf-du-Pape Blanc 2006 Domaine des Relagnes

Delicious with absolutely gorgeous white, no refilling the glass though - cheap asses.


Wild Duck Terrine with whortleberry glaze - Saint-Joseph " Le Prieure" 2005 Domaine Jean-Luc Colombo

Horribly dry with mouth smackingly sweet paste all over it that would've been at home with a banana split. Good wine though plus by now the wait staff knew that just one glass is just not gonna do it.


Roe deer Carré with A PORCHINI MUSHROOM and some nightmarish white beans stuffed pastry thingy - Châteauneuf-du-Pape "La Roquette" 2004 Vignobles Brunier

Overcooked, with ... no really one tiny piece of a mushroom. Love that wine, always will.


Pomegranate Granitee

Sugary slush that's more sugar than slush, should be the other way around.



Wild Rowan cake with Chocolate Fondue - "L'Arbre du Voyageur" VSOP Martinique

Poundcake like white substance that was extremely dry, excellent chocolate and WOW to the Rum.


Fresh mint tea

It was just effing tea, I was hoping for a Morrocon style The a la Menthe. No such luck.

Ö

Sure they´ve had their share of "Silver spoons" and a lot of folk consider them to be one of the best, if not the best...BUT, I have been reluctant to offer my opinion about them. See the guy in charge loves foam and yes we all love foam - on the beach, in the bubble bath, it is a must for shaving and whipped cream is foam, no matter if you use it in the dining or the bed room.

Right... but he puts it on the plate and then the plate is placed in front of me. Guess what, that is the absolute worst place for the foam to be...No really. I can´t stand it when something like herring or veal for that matter is turned into a foam form. I don´t get it either. Sure, maybe it´s just me and everybody else loves ribs turned into foam, but... On top of everything this is just so five years ago.

Anyway, I decided to give them one more chance and it turned out to be a somewhat pleasant surprise. At this point I have to acknowledge the intricate skills of my date for the night, who managed to recommend things on the menu knowing my foam´o´phobia.

So here it goes. I had.............Dammit...I can´t remember what I had. I wonder if it means anything? I do remember that Conch Chowder I enjoyed almost ten years ago in Boca Raton, I also can remember the best Gnocchi ever with Artichoke Pesto in Monteriggioni about eight years ago and my very first Porterhouse at Peter Luger´s. Now, I wonder if this really means anything. Probably not...

Here´s their link

Best Baristas of Tallinn

If you can live without coffee, can you still call it living? I personally absolutely love a great espresso. You know you have it just by looking at it, the crema is not brownish-yellowish, but dark red mixed with colors of chestnut and butterscotch. Sometimes almost burgundy shade. When you drink it, you taste the sweetness alongside the bitterness without adding any sugar. I don´t like when it´s accompanied with a sour taste. So you get it. I like my espresso.

Here are the best places to have a cup.

Illy Galleria del Caffè - Lai 26

Kehrwieder Chocolaterie - Saiakäik 1

Cafe Chocolaterie de Pierre - Vene 6

Josephine - Vene 16

Well...and my place - Lai 32

Oh, and every office that uses 7 Kohvipoissi machines and coffee. If you think that this is a shameless plug - you´re absolutely right. They are my friends, but that does not change the fact that their coffee is excellent. Give it a try.

Spaghetteria da Vinci

They've been open now under the new name for a while, but I've been ignoring them in spite of their good location and good looking wait-staff. See, they used to be an ice-cream parlor, well in fact a gelato parlor, if that's even appropriate to say. In any case they used to be the best place in Tallinn to enjoy Italian ice-cream or any kind of ice-cream for that matter.

Then they decided to reform and ended up with what they are now - a Spaghetteria da Vinci... Alright...Good news though - they still have the ices, just not all the same flavors. Don't get me wrong, still great.

I don't know what it is about this place, but I like them. They're not over-designed or over-priced or serving "cooking pretty" food. There you go, maybe that's it. Good, tasty food that doesn't end up costing you an arm and a leg.

You can get a fresh salad or/and a reasonably sized pasta dish and be on your way. Wait, don't forget the gelato. Plus, one of the blondes has this absolutely amazingly intriquing little smile that I just can't read. Either she thinks that I'm the biggest idiot or she's flirting with me.

P.S. Best value offering in Mid-Town: Birra Menabrea 66cl - 40EEk

Museum

Perfect location, really really perfect. Nice, but not over-achieving cuisine, at least on paper and potentially people-friendly space. What I mean is that it's not a basement, not a hotel and it has floor to ceiling windows. So far - so good for the Museum.

Now, I really don't want to bitch about the interior...so let's get it over with quickly. Unless you are one of the people who have trouble making a decision about what kind of lighting fixture or a chair you like or a wall color for that matter, you are not gonna like this interior fiasco. I do get it, they were going for the whole retro 70's chic thing, but it turned out like a cheap set for making a mocumentary about the work of John Holmes.

Oh and the whole we have a lounge and a restaurant side. It really would be fine , but why does the restaurant side look like the lounge and vice versa.

Now to the food. I actually visited them several times, I'll explain shortly. The
first visit I ordered Trout Tartar with Avocado in Miso sauce. The trout was quite nice and fresh and so was the avocado. What ruined the whole thing was the so-called Miso sauce that was just mind boggling. They managed to somehow come up with a dark brown gravy that was so sweet that it made my teeth itch and obviously overwhelmed the taste of mango and the trout. Believe me it would have done that to any taste known to man.

After that I ordered Scallops grilled on Teppanyaki with Wakame and Cucumber Salad. I was surprised with the salad and in a good way. It was tasty and fresh and visually pleasing. The scallop was slightly over-cooked, but not bad. The keyword being A SCALLOP. What makes them believe that if you slice the thing crosswise you can call it scallops. What, you think that putting a knife to it is gonna make it multiply. One scallop is one scallop. That's it.

Then before leaving I took another look at the menu and saw that they have a Burger on there. So I promised to myself to be back. So I did. That happened few days later when they were getting ready to close for the night. I had the burger and several Mojitos. Possibly the best Mojitos in town and also possibly the best burger in town.


Still pretty far from a real burger though.

In Vino Veritas

This is not the first time I'm talking about In Vino Veritas, but I figured that everybody likes good news. And the good news is - they finally got their pizza oven up and running. Still testing it out though, but very shortly will be adding various pizzas to their menu offering.

I like this place and I like their food. Both are unpretentious and inexpensive. Plus the food is tasty. Just the place for my liking. The main guy in the kitchen does not consider himself an artist, but a craftsman. And he or she is a good one at that.

Simple, but delicious, homey tasting pasta dishes and excellent wine. That is enough for me, no need to pile ingredients on the plate in a three dimensional puzzle manner.
They just added Carpaccio and now pizza...I like it even more.

Possibly the best tasting simple Italian fair in Tallinn.

Vapiano

I don't know why McDonald's gets such a bad wrap, since everybody who walks in the door knows exactly what their in for. There are no far reaching promises involved. It is what it is. Maybe that is the way I should look at Vapiano-Pasta-Pizza-Bar. It's hard to do though since these are my very favorite things PIZZA, PASTA and BARS.

Because of that I'm probably not the best person to judge them. I'm just me and they are a pretty decent size international food service chain with over 30 franchises all over the world. No McDonald's though.

I'm not going to go into the whole how anybody who walks in the door doesn't matter thing in this post, if anybody is interested you can check out ranting on that subject matter on the following link http://allweneedisloveandmarketing.blogspot.com/.

Back to food, it's simple and not bad. That is not a compliment. Not bad is not good and considering that good is the opposite of excellent, not bad is pretty bad. They tried to cut cost by eliminating waiting staff and also by hiring people who try hard to impersonate chefs behind the counter visible for every visitor. Not sure why this was necessary. Yes it is always fun to watch a highly skilled people in the kitchen, but if you don't have them, it's not such a great idea.

Let's not forget that little mistakes like dropping one of the shrimp on the prep counter instead of the skillet and then picking it up and adding it to others would be hidden from the eyes of people who ordered scampi e spinaci. I wonder if the five second rule would've also applied with the floor contact?

The whole process of food preparation that is visible to diners reminded me of a inefficient factory floor from a time that I have personally not witnessed and only seen from black and white movie footage. It also made me dream of possible distant future culinary adventures prepped and controlled by super-smart robots. Well...

I have to admit that I did go back with my kids and they gave it a thumbs up. They also like McDonald's.