Korsaar

Restaurant Korsaar is without a question the silliest and most ridiculous restaurant in the city of Tallinn, and oh yeah also the most out of place. They spent a s...t load of money trying to make the place to fit in for the next "Pirates of the Caribbean" quadro-sequel for any of the worlds Disney theme parks. I just can't figure it out why did they place it here. Enough of that.

Let's start with the entrance - actually the lack of it, to get there you need to enter the Bavarian style Beer House. Now if you pass the ship-wreck sticking out of the wall, you've gone too far. Also if you've reached the coat-check, you've gone too far. See, somewhere between the entrance to the beer hall and the coat-check is, and here I go again, a ship-wreck sticking out of the wall and you'll notice two pirates hanging out underneath it. One of them an effing midget, yes yes a midget. If you're lucky or unlucky depending on your preferences you'll get a real piraty GRRR from the bigger one. That signifies the point of no return. Get ready for the ride and hold onto your wallet.

It's hard to describe what you'll see after you walk down the stairs, but I'll give it a try. Pools, fish-tanks, possibly a fountain and loads of marine periphenilia. The walls are all made to look like an inside of a cave, unfortunately a cave made out of packing material. All of the staff is dressed as pirates, even the line chefs in the kitchen. I did not see the head chef. Good guess would be that he's wearing the captains outfit. Ahhh, almost forgot about the giant plasma screen on wall that's showing a stormy ocean scenery. Well, that is most definitely not all of it, but I give up and move onto to the most important part - the food.

The food is not good. I ordered "Octopus carpaccio with creole tomato salsa" for a starter and I have to admit that it was possibly the most interesting and wonderful presentation of any kind of food I've ever seen. It's just that it did not taste like anything. I'm not even talking about octopus, no - it did not taste like anything. Maybe they had some of that packing material they used to make the cave walls with left over and decided to use the extras to sculpt some octopi. Plus there was nothing creole about the salsa, I'm not even sure that there was much salsa about the salsa. I'm telling you, it was the most beautiful looking worst dish anywhere ever.

This pretty fiasco was followed by a "Korsaar bouillabaise" and that is so much more than just a bouillabaisse (notice how I did not misspell the word and also do not charge 215EEK's for a simple bowl of soup). Then again this is what you get for your money. An effing midget rolls in a cart all the way to the table for the line chef to prepare the soup right in front of you in a pirates costume. I know I'm being politically incorrect calling him an effing midget, but c'mon I didn't hire an effing midget to work as a miniature pirate and that is truly politically incorrect. Now after the midget rolls in the soup cart, he walks up to a stormy sea on the plasma and starts turning the ships wheel all while tilting himself in sync with the waves on the screen. Sure, I was laughing before. In fact I started laughing up-stairs before entering, but at this point I was laughing out loud hysterically resembling a horse gone mad.

Anyway you get the picture. Loved the waitress, loved laughing out loud, even loved a little bit the effing midget. Hated the food, hated even more the prices and I'm willing to bet my right leg that I'm never going back. Now if I lose the bet, I could possibly get a job there with my brand new wooden leg and everything.


NB! Pretty sure that this is the most expensive place in town.